One of the cruelest things we do to ourselves is to
beat up our morale with regret, remorse and procrastination. We take the stick of regret and pound away, and
then we grab the whip of remorse and cut deeply. On top of all that, every day
we take the needles of procrastination and stab ourselves repeatedly all day
long. Why do we do this? Are we sadists?
Since Autumn arrived, I’ve been thinking about all
the things I meant to do this summer, but didn’t. For instance, I managed to clean up the
garage, somewhat, but never got to the large attached storage room which is definitely
a warm-weather job. (I picked up the stick of regret and began to pound.) Why,
oh why, did I let the time go by and not do it because now it was too late. (I
grabbed the whip of remorse.) Another year will go by and who knows what
critters will take up abode in that room!
Then, I moved on to the next thing I never got done.
Thinking these thoughts did a strange thing to
me. I began to feel overwhelmed and
helpless; unable to move forward and achieve anything at all. The days crawled by while I made lists in my
head of all my many failures in life.
Then one day I woke up and said, “STOP IT!” This must stop right now! You must be good
to yourself! And how would I be good to myself?
Well, I would start by doing what I could to make my life a little more
comfortable between me and my conscience. I hadn’t vacuumed my bedroom floor all week
because I was so busy wielding the stick of regret and whip of remorse. I hadn’t fixed the newly bent curtain rod in
the guest bedroom or hemmed the new curtains for the dining room because I was wallowing
in procrastination. I hadn’t called a
good friend for a chat because I felt I never had anything cheerful to say.
I wasn’t seeing the beautiful sunsets or hearing the
leaves fall gently against each other. I
was missing the scents of dried herbs rubbed together in the spent garden and
the silence of insects that no longer buzzed in the air. The rush of hot and
cold air, all in one day, against skin tired of being assaulted by the constant
burning summer sun; the settled and sleepy landscape, exhausted after producing,
once again, for another season.
No more wasting my time using the stick of regret
and whip of remorse! I plan to make
myself happy by indulging in freeing my conscious and moving forward, doing the
little things that are important, listening to the sounds of Fall, tasting the
harvest, keeping hearts and hands busy, looking forward to tomorrow and all the
joy it holds.
©2012 Linda Gatewood
I think women in particular are adept at punishing ourselves over anything and everything. It seems that we feel guilty allowing ourselves to just be a person who isn't perfect but has flaws that do interfere with some of our best-laid plans.
ReplyDeleteNow that I'm in the "retirement" mode, I have all sorts of plans for things to do, but 6 months have gone by, and I haven't completed any of them. I have done a lot of work in certain areas, but they will never be completed due to their nature; I can only hope to further the work for the next generation to pursue in their time.
When I think about my accomplishments, I do feel regret at what I haven't done, but at the same time, I'm enjoying not having to punch that proverbial timeclock. I am free to do as I wish with my time. I have learned to be happy with any accomplishment each day, and I am learning the art of how to slow down. I am busy enough to keep me happy, but I'm learning how to find more enjoyment in the quiet parts of my life.
The "storage rooms" of our lives can wait--we have other important things to do!
Great thoughts! And I'm glad my storage room is a big one!
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